By now, a lot of you chumps have heard me pissing and moaning about how the spoofin' situation in porno is getting out of hand. It's not that I'm against a good joke or anything, it's just that month after month, spoof after spoof, I feel like the industry as a whole might be going one spoof over the line in many respects. It's gotten out of hand and the joke is losing its steam. But maybe...just maybe...Axel Braun Is gonna change all that.

How? I'll tell you how. Axel Braun's upcoming BATMAN XXX, that's how!

Sure, in the past I've said that I wouldn't be interested in any more spoofs, unless they were based on the greatest televsion show of all time ("ALF"), but I gotta admit...this one's got me intrigued. Because it's Batman, naturally, and Batman is hands-down, one of the bitchinest characters in comic-book/pop-culture history. You want proof of that, grab yourself a copy of The Dark Knight Returns and see for your fuckin' self! The Hollywood movie machine is churning out comic-book movies faster than you can say "Juggernaut", but porno (for obvious reasons) hasn't really caught on to the trend yet. After all, a decent representation of most comic or sci-fi franchises would require a significant amount of dollars on the front end, and who wants to waste all that dough on special effects and shit? I mean, sure, we had some shits like Private's X-Girls that tried to make some strides, but also kind of sucked ass.

(Seriously, the less said about X-Girls, the better, unless you feel like reading my bitchin' review!)

Anyway, it's looking more and more Braun might be the only dude in porno worthy of the name "spoofmaster" at the moment (though I'm fairly certain he wouldn't like to be known as "Axel the Spoofmaster"). Why? Because this dude seems to be the only one who gives a flying fuck about his source material. He made Evan Stone cut his hair, because the integrity of Star Trek had to be preserved. He's planning a Green Hornet spoof, for fuck's sake. Show me one motherfucker who isn't a card carrying nerd who ever in their life gave a shit about the Green Hornet. Believe that shit, suckaz.

That last bit sounded like a dig, but it really was a compliment, Meesa swear! Also, to be fair, we can't really blame the makers of the Gilligan or Bewtiched spoofs for not caring about their source material, because, come on...those shows are all fuckin' awful.

“As a child I was a huge comic fan, so obviously ‘Batman’ has a special place in my heart,” said Braun. “I grew up in Italy and I clearly remember the excitement I felt the day the 3D View-Master disc came out, several years before Italian TV started airing the show. To see my favorite comic book character literally come to life was an extraordinary experience, and putting together my own XXX version is a dream come true.”

At first, I though it was bullshit that the movie's based on the campy show and not the comic, but upon reflection, I decided that it may end up being the awesomest piece of awesome to ever hit the spoofin' genre. That show lends itself to porno better a whole lot better than the printed material of the same name, and as far as preserving the integrity...well...i just don't think you can really use the words "Adam West" and "integrity" in the same sentence, so there's no reason to sweat that shit. Don't know who's cast yet in this motherfucker yet, but I can't wait to find out. Dirty Harry would make a great egghead. Just saying.

And then there's Catwoman. Since everyone has a hard time choosing between Julie Newmar, Lee Merriweather and Eartha Kitt as the greatest interpretation, Catwoman should probably just be in a dream sequence where Batman ends up nailing all three of them. perhaps all at once, perhaps one after another, gauntlet-style. Again, Mr. Braun, I'm not trying to write your script for you or "step to you" (so to speak), but I think a triumvirate of pussycat-pussy would be a winning scenario anyway you look at it. Just saying (again).

"Batman XXX" is gonna be the first film under Axel's new deal with Vivid, who has crowned him "Spooflord Supreme" of the porno business (again, neither Braun nor Vivid are in support of the term "Spooflord Supreme", and we make no claim that they are. Bunch of bitch-ass suckas.). We're keeping our fingers crossed in hopes that Vivid doesn't suck all the life out of what sounds like an otherwise awesomely outrageous venture. No offense, Vivid. You just, as a studio, have a history of sucking the life out of things. Once again, just saying!

Nuff said, true believer!

BONUS! Fun facts!

• Caesar Romero refused to shave his mustache to play the joker, so they just put the makeup over it! Seriously, google him and see for yourself!
• The term "awesomely outrageous", used earlier in this story, is an homage to Simpsons bartender Moe Syszlak, in the classic episode, "Bart Sells His Soul".
• Eartha Kitt was the best Catwoman, but Julie newmar was easily the most attractive.
• The Batman televsion show only lasted for three seasons, all of them awesome!
• Joel Schumacher's Batman and Robin is, actually, an incredibly watchable and somewhat enthralling piece of cinema. Terrible? Sure. But it's a god damn fun piece of terrible!
• "Nuff said, true believer" is actually a phrase that should only be used in references to Marvel Comics. Stan Lee just sent me an incredibly threatening e-mail about my usage (above) of said phrase!

BATMAN: HOLY BATMANIA!

THIS AIN'T STAR TREK XXX