Some of us aren't very lucky when it comes to love. Sure, most of you readers are getting laid 362 out of every 365 days of the year (sometimes twice a night) and that's awesome, but you know that some of us don't get action anywhere near that often. Or, shit, ever (for some of us). But it's not too bad for those of us who don't know what it's like to physically express your love to another human being, because we have a shit-ton of great products that help us satisfy those particular carnal urges. We've got the Fleshlight, we've got the Ultimate Satisfier and we've got the Fleur-de-lis Silky Delight, among other products made with the express purpose of making us cum. So there's really nothing for a sex-starved human being to complain about.

But a sex-starved dog? Well, that's another story.

A sex starved and non-neutered dog will "try pillows, furry creatures, people’s legs and even other animals" in order to get his rocks off. Everybody knows this (especially Bob Barker, who still insists that you neuter your fucking dog, for god's sake). But, apparently, a dog cannot reach the point of ejaculation from a simple leg hump (or something similar), and that's gotta be fucking frustrating for man's best friend.

But, shit, there's still hope, and it comes in the form of the first sex toy made specifically for animals: the doggielove doll, which was introduced in Brazil last week to what had to be a roomful of rather perplexed and conflicted pet enthusiasts at Sao Paulo's Transamerica Expo Center. Actually, this is Sao Paulo. They probably didn't even bat an eye at this thing. Sao Paulo's, like, fuck central, isn't it? That's what Robert Hill led me to believe, anyway.

“I had the idea to make this doll when my Maltese started to grab everybody’s legs. I did some research and couldn’t find anything like it, anywhere in the world. I decided to make it!”, reveals Marco Giroto, the owner of PetSmiling, the company responsible for this new novelty.

So, as you may have guessed, the doll is a replica of a female canine. It's molded from silicone and it includes a bottle of lube in every package (yuck). Unlike your common human leg, it is 100% capable of bringing any male dog to the point of climax (Jesus, yuck), and it claims to have "a silicon vagina and an easy to clean reservoir" (fucking god-damn fucking yuck). You know, I gotta say...I love the god-damn hell out of my dog and I'd do just about anything to make his life happier, but I gotta say...cleaning his cum out of a synthetic female dog is pretty fucking far past the "just about anything" point for me. Sorry, pooch, but you're own your own here.

For those of you who are interested in wiping up your dog's semen, visit the doggielover website for more details.

FRIENDS: A XXX PARODY

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