This past weekend, Spock and I headed up to Edison, NJ for Exxxotica NY. Now, I say this everytime, but until they stop branding it as such, Edison NJ is, in fact, in New Jersey. It is not in New York and thus, the whole Exxxotica NY thing should really be done away with. Yes, we understand that the reason it's not held closer to New York is because of legal interference, but shut up!! Call it what it is, fucking Exxxotica NJ.

Anywhat, for 36 hours we were in the middle of it, catching up with some of our favorite fuck makers. We spent roughly 7 hours at the convention capturing a whole ton of footage for you, our loyal tricksta's, that we'll be offering here, free of charge over the coming weeks. It was a sordid affair of excess, debauchery and just a little bit of incest. The other 29 hours of our 36 hour trip was spent in the Sheraton Edison. We highly recommend it. Oh, and we went to a gas station at some point.

Thankfully, between black outs, we were able to learn a few things that we feel are important to pass on. They are as follows:

1. Apparently, you can’t extort money from Jesus for stealing your likeness.
2. Meggan Mallone: when she’s been drinking, don’t let her talk to children.
3. When Teagan’s been drinking, keep her the fuck away from your hair.
4. Don’t tell Alektra Blue you have crushes on chicks because she’s a fuckin’ loudmouth.
5. Having a drink “on the rocks” isn’t the same as drinking a glass of water.
6. People LOVE fat chicks.
7. Even though they’ve been around since the dawn of time, people still get all weird while talking to midgets.
8. Not many hot chicks like comic books.
9. No matter how good you are at magic tricks, you still won’t get laid if you look like a Hobbit.
10. New Jersey cover bands kinda rule.
11. That weed that a certain adult performer had wasn’t all that good.
12. The creepiest dudes are the one’s that don’t drink and still get out of hand.
13. Apparently, BUCKTON's hair feels and smells quite lovely.
14. Legendary porn performer Seka don't do, "free".
15. Bartenders in Edison, NJ hotel bars fucking suck!
16. You can't convince an Edison, NJ police officer to shoot someone in the VIP area of a porn party, you know, for a laugh.
17. Porn stars still love Jager.

With that in mind, we've signed up for liver transplants. Just think, AVN is only three months away. Oh dear. In addition to our regular goings on at these sorts of affairs, our friend Nate "Igor" Smith from DrivenByBoredom.com snapped some pictures for us in the parking lot of the convention center. He managed to convince young ladies to crawl in the back of his hatchback to pose for him. Dig the creepy scene!

MEGGAN DOES MALIBU

DEVIANCE