To say that Mike Quasar is a hard working porn director would be an understatement. Any given week sees the failed musician holed up in any number of locations shooting scene after scene of beautiful people having sex. His talent...his style, is one of unique God-given grace. His dedication, unending. At night, he sits with his laptop on lap, editing furiously, no longer able to masturbate due to an accident in '98 which left him with no urethra, making sure that legions of fans can take up the masturbatory mantle from his cold, callused and Canadian hands.

His porno wins awards. Not by chance, but by cold calculated effort. Quasar is a futurist. Quasar can see what people will want. A Tony Stark of the porn-universe if you will. He knows what you will want to see before you know you want to see it, and thus, he directs his efforts towards that future...securing sales and accolades hand over fist. He owns your masturbation. He is your masturbation. Without Quasar, there is no cum future.

Quasar contact us last night...his voice spotty, ragged with age and drink...but his excitement undiminished.

"Bangs?"

"Yes, Quasarman?" I said.

"I've seen it...I've been over the mountain."

"Really? Your '89 BMW can handle that kind of incline?"

"No, no Bangs, I mean I've seen it. I know how it ends. I know what is next."

"Quasar, really, you're just confusing me right now and I'm watching Ice Pirates."

"BANGS, I KNOW WHAT THE WORLD WANTS TO MASTURBATE TO! WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!!!!"

"Really Quasar? Seriously, tell me, what is the secret! WHAT IS THE FUTURE?"

"Boobs. Big Boobs."

Quasar hung up after that revelation and this morning, an email was waiting with a link to this trailer. The future is now.

BIG BOOB ORGY

PORNSTAR PERSPECTIVE