Ok so we made that headline up. There are no confirmed reports that jessica drake has taken a ride on that juggernaut of neurosis and comic timing that is the manhood of Eugene Levy. But, they are definitely now in a movie together which means that jessica’s now just one degree of separation from, like, Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in the Kevin Bacon game. You go girl! (Incidentally, Eugene Levy is now just one degree of separation from Tommy Gunn which is pretty fucking awesome).

Now, we don’t know if jess fits into that old tired cliché that all porn stars really just wanna be the kind of actors that don’t suck dicks on camera or what, but, as far as we can tell, this is only the second time she’s been in a non-porno movie. The first being some shit we’d never heard of called Sin in which she played Brunette Adult Performer (which is just nuts ‘cuz everybody knows she’s hotter as a blonde).

By now, you’re all waiting with baited breath to see what masterpiece of modern cinema dear jess has gotten her sweet tits into, so we won’t hold back anymore… well maybe just a little longer… ok, now drum roll please: American Pie Present: The Book of Love. Apparently, she snagged the coveted role of French Canadian Babe after several days of grueling auditions that pushed all involved to the brink of sanity and beyond. Now, we don’t know what the shit this shit is about, but we have to imagine that it’s about a French Canadian Babe and her quest to get Eugene Levy to reenact the scene in Armed and Dangerous where he and John Candy walk down the street in drag/S&M gear.

But, like we said, we really don’t know, it could just be about horny high school douchebags trying to get laid with minimal success. The only thing we do know is that jess shows her tits off, which will excite… well, everyone who likes their porn star tits paired with Eugene Levy instead of fucking.

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AMERICAN PIE: THE BOOK OF LOVE