Funny thing about that Avatar movie that came out recently. While I thought it had a fairly cringe-worthy script and, for the most part, rather cringe-tastic acting (not to mention an unlikeable and boastful braggart as the hero), the thing was a god damn fucking joy to watch. The visual splendor of the thing was so god-fuckin-damn impressive that I threw all of my film-school-induced bitchiness out the window and enjoyed the fuck out of the movie. This was no doubt because of the whole 3-D & IMAX aspect of my moviewatchin' experience. The shit was just god-damn-mothershittin' impressive as uncle's day in a whorehouse, you know? Because 3-D is the wave of the future.

And since it's clearly the wave of the future, it sure seems like everybody is getting in on the 3-D bandwagon. Even well-respected erotica/art-cinema auteur Tinto Brass, a fellow best known for his work on Malcolm MacDowell's third best film (behind Star Trek: Generations and Milk Money, naturally), the 1979 cult-classic, Caligula. See, dastardly old Tinto has just announced that he's going to breaking boundaries by shooting what's he's calling Italy's first 3-D movie of any sort, and - surprise - it's gonna be an adult film! Whoo hoo!

Brass says he plans to visit an abandoned project from his past that focused on a Roman emperor. Apparently the project in question had been started and was then "ruined by Americans". No details on what this big-time project's gonna be, but -- hey, wait a minute -- he's not talking about Caligula, is he? I think he might be! I think Tinto Brass is planning to break boundaries and rend the Italian film scene asunder by...uh...remaking his own movie.

Hm. That's sort of lame.

I mean, I understand that Brass was pretty clearly robbed of any artistic vision by Guccione, back when Caligula was made, but still...that's how the movie got made, you know? And a shit ton of people seem to love it. Or they at least love buying it, which is probably more important, as far as the film industry is concerned. Sure, I watched it, and yeah, it's pretty fucking bad, and had I been the director, I'd feel like I wanted a second shot, too. But shit, why not just make a new movie? Like a 3-D sequel to Frivolous Lola or something?

Just saying. It's not all that revolutionary to remake your movie because you didn't like how it turned out. Remember when Lucas did that with his Star Wars movies and it pissed off everybody except BUCKTON? Food for thought, TInto!

Also, as far as 3-D porn goes, it's been done man. Tommy Gunn did that shit last fuckin' year, and Tommy Gunn is goddamn unfuckwithable! Just sayin'.

I'm totally gonna go see Avatar again, only this time I'm getting waaaaaaaaay higher beforehand. Watch out, people in the row in front of me. Your head's getting puked on!

CALIGULA

THE OFFICIAL JERSEY SHORE PARODY (because it's official)