Okay, we didn't piss and moan when we were totally robbed of all of the AVN awards that we should rightfully have won. We didn't throw any fuckin' fits when we didn't score a single Xbiz award for our bitch-ass awesome parody TMSleaze (at least not publicly). We didn't even hoot and holler when the original score BUCKTON and Stanko composed for the Meryl Streep vehicle Julie and Julia didn't get a single fuckin Oscar nod.

But when I saw that the Tranny Awards are set for March 4th of this year (mere weeks away), and we didn't score a single, solitary, lone fucking nomination....well, I've fucking had enough. I guess I just don't know what you have to do to win an award in this fucking business.

Now, I know what you're gonna say: "Uh, guys...you don't have any transsexual performers in any of your movies, or anywhere on your site or in your personal lives, for that matter. There's no reason you should be nominated for this sort of award". Yeah, good point, but fuuuuuuck that.

Listen, the way I see it, there are a very small handful of qualifications one must meet in order to be considered a transsexual. One, you must have a penis. I'm pretty sure we're covered in that category. Last I checked, that thing that I've spent seven hours every day tugging on was, in fact, a penis. So I'm in good shape there. Two, you've got to have tits, thus giving the appearance of being a woman. Again, I think I'm pretty well covered in that category. BUCKTON probably is, too. We're not the type of fellas who would ever hide the fact that we've been sporting tits atop our chests ever since we were 25 or so. It just happens when your metabolism slows down and you happen to spend most evenings enjoying weed and nachos (and also detest exercise of any form). We're big-moobed motherfuckers, and ain't nobody can deny that. Third, I think you need to blow guys. That one, I'll admit, I don't do too often. Only when the wallet and pipe are both dry, you know? Also, there was that one time that I was really hammered on Jacquin's ginger brandy and I thought I was sucking on a similarly endrunkened woman's Vanessa Del Rio-esque engorged clitoris. In the morning, it turned out that I was most likely sucking on a less-than-average wang an not an more-than-average clit. Hey, live and learn. I got paid for it, so what the fuck, right?

Shit, all I'm saying is, I'd really, really like to have some awards to put on our shelf. And I don't see why it shouldn't be a tranny award. Especially because the tranny awards offer cash prizes for their winners. You know the way we feel about cash.

"We started these awards last year as we feel the main adult industry marginalizes our niche,” said Steven Gallon, owner of Grooby Productions (the studio that produces the awards). “It's apparent by the chosen winners year after year, in the main award shows that their judges have very little understanding of transsexual porn, who or what is popular and what the buying public is looking at."

Okay, maybe he has a point there. Especially given that I just spent a couple paragraphs lambasting the transexual porn community for failing to respect POPPORN's contributions to the genre.

Food for thought, that's all. Now I'm off to compose similar diatribes aimed at the Grammys, the Emmys and the Nobel Committee.

(Oh, by the way, for those of you that are interested, the Tranny Awards are happening March 4, 2010, at Club Cobra in North Hollywood. Hazel Tucker, Amy Daly, Olivia Love, Morgan Bailey, Yasmin Lee, Nataliaa Coxx, Kimberly Kills, Lucia Miel, Aly Sinclair are expected to attend.)

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