There's these extra-small condoms being made in Switzerland lately. They're expected to hit the shelves in the United Kingdom pretty soon as well. These jimmy-hats generally boast a diameter of about 45mm (in contrast to the usual 52mm size found in jimmy-hats). Why the tiny size? Is the condom industry finally catering to the market made up of poorly endowed men who want to get fucked without fear of disease (and who are sick of the embarrassment they suffer when their condom falls off of their ween in mid-fuck)? Well, maybe, but more specifically, they're catering to 12 year olds.

Who knew?

I guess it's no secret that kids are having sex at younger ages these days. I myself lost my virginity at age 13 (but didn't again have intercourse until I was 28). It really shouldn't be shocking that somebody's trying to help these kids from getting each other pregged-up, but for some reason it is. I guess the puritan attitudes towards sex in America are so strong that even the most vile of us can't help but be somewhat surprised when we hear of stuff like this. Around here, folks fight tooth and nail to keep even 16 and 17 year olds from exploring each other's genitalia, let alone their younger siblings. But I gotta say, it's a damned good idea. I, personally, would have really hated to have 12 year old parents. Wouldn't you? Twelve year olds are dumb as shit. Come on.

Right now, these things are only available in Switzerland, where adolescents must be fucking like damned banshees, but the UK's apparently next on the list, thanks mostly to their high levels of unplanned teenage pregnancies. While I applaud their efforts to keep their youngsters safe and happy, I gotta say, they could've forgotten about this whole mass-production-of-tiny-condoms thing and just spread some good, old-fashioned common sense around instead.

Feast on these facts, all true:

• As everyone knows, you simply cannot get pregnant if you make fuck while you're standing up (cum can't swim upwards), in a shower (steam kills sperm) or in a doorway (god hates doorways and therefore won't allow conception to occur within one, from what I'm told).
• STD's only work on full-grown adults. You literally cannot catch one before the age of 16. Try it and see.
• Pregnancy only occurs if both parties cum, and no 12 year old boy is gonna make a girl cum. Not gonna happen.
• Masturbating makes your penis way larger. It's a proven fact. If these kids spend their free time whacking it instead of studying, they'd have no need for extra-small condoms. Not that they really need condoms anyway (see first three points).

It sounds crazy, but according to some kids that I just bought weed off of, all of those facts are true. So kids, if you're reading this, don't bother with condoms, because they're totally for suckers. And you can't buy any that fit your tiny weens anyway. Unless you're in Switzerland.

Oh, and also, if you're under 18, you probably shouldn't be reading this. Because there's tons of nudity and even a good deal of penetration on this site. You shouldn't be looking at that. At least not here. You should be sneaking into your dad's room and checking out his porno. Maybe you could convince him to buy our movies, too?

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