Now, if you happened to have seen the new Lady Gaga video for her song Telephone, the question above could pretty much be used in reference to absolutely anything happening during the nine minute video-aneurysm. We haven't been this baffled by a music video since R.Kelly's, Trapped in the Closet...which we fucking LOVED by the way..."Rosey the Nosey Neighbor"? C'mon, that shit was gold. And so, it's with equal excitement that we decree that Gaga's video rules just as hard.

Now, don't get us wrong. We're not saying we're Lady Gaga fans. We're not entirely convinced you can really be a Lady Gaga fan because we're not really convinced she's an actual person with creative talent or the puppet figurehead Real-Doll of a corporate/creative regime. However, we do know absurdity when we see it and hot damn, this video is filled with it. Its got a girl prison where the dress code is somewhat more lax than in other high security institutions, the Pussy Wagon from the Kill Bill movies and ultimately, mass murder in a diner. Toss in some kissing of baguettes, dance routines galore (What? We love to dance) and you've got a spectacle of epic proportions. It's like a retarded Thriller but more awesome because, it's retarded and zombies aren't retarded. They're just kind of cool.

Just for good measure, the video pukes in hyper-mega-global entity Beyonce for the last round which seems to be an MS inspired Krunk in the diner after the killin's been done and well...this thing just yells bombast and we love a good bombastin'.

So, within this spiral of insanity (which probably cost more than the entire GNP of Uganda*) it would be understandable if you were to miss two of porn's most favorite performers appearing as victims of the legal system!

That's right, Wicked Pictures contract stars jessica drake and Alektra Blue make their Gaga debut in this visual tornado early on...check out jessica stretching a mirror out to see who the new gal in the cell block is at :33 seconds, then check out jessica licking her cell bars while Alektra, imprisoned next to her, stares down the camera with saucy hotness.

While we would have loved to see a little more jessica and Alektra in the video, we understand. When you're trying to spend 10 bazillion dollars in one weekend on a music video, you kinda have to put as many things in as possible for maximum, "Woah, what was that?" effect.

Anywho, you kinda sorta just have to watch this sucker to truly dive into the ocean:

* Now, some might say spending that kind of money is a little too much to spend on a music video. However, we would like to point out that the Ugandan Government wants all homosexuals to be put in jail for being gay so fuuuuck them.

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