If you've read POPPORN at all in the past, you're probably aware of what some people would call our more nerd-ish tendencies. We wouldn't use that word. We'd say that they're our more awesomely outrageous tendencies, or maybe even our most infections of grooves, but that's beside the point. The tendencies I'm referring to are our natural leanings towards comic books, star wars movies and shit like that. You know, stuff that many people consider to be for nerds (even though they'd totally see how wrong they were if they'd go pick up the last four or five issues of Matt Fraction's X-Men run).

So yeah. We're into lots of sci-fi. We love comics. It's a well known fact. Just look at BUCKTON's T-shirt collection.

Given these tastes that we so blatantly emblazon all over our proverbial shirtsleeves, anyone could naturally assume that if we were to come across a video of big-time porn makers like Kimberly Kane, Mandy Morbid and Sasha Grey playing Dungeons & Dragons, we'd be be overcome with geek delight and probably cum ourselves right there in front of our monitors while we watched it. I mean, D&D is clearly a staple of the danger-room-loving subculture I've mentioned, so what's not to love, right?

Well. You're wrong. We fuckin' hate D&D. At least I do. I can't really speak for Bangs, but I've never taken the time to learn the damn game and at the age of 31, I can't say I'm gonna start soon. So while I've heard that the guy who made this video, Zak Sabbath, is an awesome dude (having never met him, I cannot verify), and everyone at POPPORN clearly loves the fuck out of KK, Sasha, Mandy and Satine Phoenix (who also appears in the video), we gotta say...this obvious attempt to curry favor with us is what the kids these days are calling an "epic fail". Nice fucking try, nerds! You might as well have tried to impress us with a dissertation on the (snicker) finer points of Joss Whedon's shitty X-men run! Ha!

And yes, I am assuming that this video was an attempt to impress us. Is it presumptuous and rude to make such an assumption? Of course. But that's what we do here at POPPORN, isn't it? We're blowhards!

Listen, if you guys wanted to impress us, there are a whole lot of other ways you could have gone about it. Here are a few:

• Make a video of the group of you discussing Matt Fraction's recent metamorphosis of the X-Men from superhero rescue unit into militant social movement. Include discussions of Hank McCoy's X-Club's merits for bonus points.
• Read aloud segments of Dan Simmon's Fall of Hyperion. Preferably segments that focus on Sol Weintraub and his daughter. Preferably sans clothes?
• Give us your thoughts on the last panel of Seige #3. Was that shit boss or what?!
• Ditch the D&D and play Heroclix. Much better game, because it's made of Marvel characters. If you need to borrow any of my 'clix, I'll lend you some. I have the Super Skrull and the Unique Elektra. Big points on them shits, man.

I'm sure there are plenty of others, but this will be a good start. Just sayin'.

Anyway, should any of you shits out there happen to love D&D and porn stars (I know, it's unlikely), check out the video below! Enjoy!

HOSPITAL

THE SEDUCTION