What, is it fuckin' new contract star month around here or somethin' like that? I mean, what the fuck? I only ask because upon coming into the office the other day, my inbox was ravaged with announcements regarding new contract stars among high-class porno companies! Well, in truth, there were only two such announcements. One from Wicked and one from Digital Playground. But regardless, two announcements in one day...that's a lot, isn't it? Eh?

Okay, I guess maybe it's not all that weird. After all, Wicked and Digital Playground are both top-tier porn studios and press releases are rather common among studios of this caliber. These two announcements occurring simultaneously is most likely nothing more than mere coincidence. Except for the fact that both studios' new contract stars happen to be Latin. See, it's sounding more and more like a conspiracy, isn't it?

Nah, I'm just fuckin' with you. I mean, I can't possibly imagine what kind of conspiracy this could entail. So two big-time porno companies both add a beautiful new Latin starlet to their roster, big deal. There's no reason I should feel threatened by this. None at all. Of course, maybe we're not supposed to feel threatened. Maybe that's the whole idea. We get comfortable and let our guard down, enjoying the fact that these two up-and-coming Latin superstars have teamed up with two real nice prominent adult film studios to produce high-end fuck cinema of the bad-assest degree...and then wham! They get you when you're not ready.

Am I insinuating that Wicked Pictures and Digital Playground are plotting some kind of evil pornographic coup against society? Of course not. I'm just saying that it's well within their means to do so, and we probably shouldn't trust them. Stoya sure doesn't.

Hey! Maybe I ought to mention these new contract stars names, huh? That way, you guys will know who to look for when you're buying movies to masturbate to!

Well, let's start with Wicked. They're lucky enough to have Lupe Fuentes joining their roster of immensely awesome talent (because pretty much everybody on Wicked's payroll is fucking great with maybe one exception whose name I won't mention). Lupe, who you might have seen in a European film or two under the fairly odd-sounding name Zuleidy, was formerly one of the biggest stars in Spain's porno scene, gaining a bit of mainstream success through magazines like FHM Spain, Siete and Primera Linea, among other outlets. Most recently, she was crowned Miss XFANZ Summer 2010 and the winner of their 2010 Latina Star of the Year award. She's also the model of the month for Rapindustry.com (which, for some odd reason, has never featured BUCKTON or MEAT BALL in any way, shape or form).

As for Digital Playground, Selena Rose shall be the newest face of their ever-growing pornographic empire. One can assume that she'll have a big role in whatever the next big Pirate-themed porn movie they make is, and we'll probably see her getting nailed a lot by guys like Scott Nails and whatnot in the meantime. She describes herself as an "outgoing girl who happens to love sex", which is a plus because her new contract will most likely involve having lots of sex with lots of people. Though I guess with Digital Playground, that's not always 100% true. Ask Stoya, right?

Anyway, these two young ladies are both incredibly gorgeous and super-nice folks from what I hear. I've never met them, so I can't confirm. I still think that they're probably going to attempt to kill us all, but having no proof, we're just gonna have to wait and see about that.

In related news, Jesse Jane, jessica drake and Robby D. have all been required to increase their Latin heritage by 28% as part of their usual contract renewal process.

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