Part of me can’t believe that it hasn’t been done yet. Part of me remembers that it already sort-of has been done, five years ago or so. Part of me wants to believe that it will be good. But mostly, I just wanna say fuckin’ FUCK YOU to Axel Braun’s new Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody. Why, when I love Star Wars so much and love watching people fuck so much? Eat shit, that’s why.

I mean, Jesus fucking Christ. Enough is fucking enough, already. Don’t go fucking with Star Wars. You know why? Because while the sex will be fun to watch, as sex usually is, the rest of the thing is just gonna be one long goddamn unbearable joke after another. Really. These goddamn spoofs are never nearly as funny as one expects them to be, and usually, the comedy standards are set pretty fucking low to begin with. So god fucking damn it, it's time to leave well enough alone, porn producers.

Just, come on, Axel Braun. Pick a different property to fuck with. Or better yet, don’t! This shit is old hat and unfunny as dick welts.

I know, these parody things make money (although honestly, not many of them make all that much money) and thus, everybody and their uncle has to churn out as many of them as possible to keep the world turning. But shit, if you really want to parody an existing property and get tons of money and press in the meantime, try this one on for size: The Bible XXX: A Porn Parody. Now that right there is gonna be a bonafide best seller. Lots of people will love it. Lots of people will hate it. Lots of peace-loving Christians will send letter bombs. But damn it, you’ll be doing something new. I mean, not new new, because…you know…the Bible’s pretty old and all. But still, it hasn’t been done. At least not in any sense that I remember. And certainly not by Vivid.

Shit, what do they have to lose? Stagliano’s triumph means that porn will never, ever, in any way be questioned or hassled by the government ever again, right? So fuck, why not offend some people? Just grow a fuckin’ pair and shoot a scene where God comes down from Mount Olympus or heaven or wherever the fuck he lives and knocks Mary up (which is probably the way things actually went down anyway), and leave Star Wars the fuck alone. I just don't have Faith in Axel Braun to pull it off without making me want to punch lots of people. And he's a clever guy and all, but not fuckin' clever enough.

Man, I’m cranky today. Shit, just wait until the previously announced Captain America spoof comes to fruition. You’ll see some goddamn unparalleled vitriol spewing forth from me then.

I guess what I’m, saying is…Axel Braun…you’re a clever guy, aren’t you? Just freaking make a new fucking movie already. Make something of your own. Enough of this retreaded horseshit. It's getting boring.

Man, I’m cranky today. Fuck you, assholes!

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