( Ed. Note - Peter Warren crawled out from the crawl space today in honor of Ms. Kagney Linn Karter. See, it's her birthday today (all day) and he penned a special birthday poem just for her. Take it away, Peter!)

To the angel Ms. Kagney Linn Karter
‘Pon her birthday this ode we impart her
So much beauty and light
She exudes day and night
Not a star in the heavens burns harder

Everybody loves Kagney Linn Karter
From Laura Bush to Will the Farter
Whether short, tall or pale
Homo, straight or she-male
You just want your love spunk to bombard her

Jesus Christ, have you checked out those cans?
They alone might’ve just saved Japan
And that innocent grin
Warms the spirit within
Whilst thy gonads get rubbed by thy hand

Here’s to you, dear Ms. Kagney Linn Karter
As you turn one year older and smarter
One last thing, so we know
Just how much dinero
Would it cost to snort sweat from your garter?

TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE

OFFICIAL REVENGE OF THE NERDS PARODY