In the latest sign of the apocalypse, Pennsylvania state representative (I know it doesn’t effect all of you but I’m from PA and I’m upset about it so suck my dick) Paul Clymer a Republican/Fascist representing Bucks County introduced his Sexually Oriented Business Revenue Act last Wednesday to state legislators. The bill, if passed, would require strip clubs to collect a $5 “pole tax” at strip clubs to benefit the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape.

While a similar form of the same bill was declared unconstitutional in Texas, Clymer believes that he’s made the necessary adjustments to get it through the Pennsylvania legislature. I’d imagine if his attempts are unsuccessful he’ll try to invade Poland. You know because he’s a Nazi, get it?

The news is troubling on so many levels that it’s difficult to put it into words. Lucky for you I’m going to try.

First of all the tax in itself is just another way for the state to victimize businesses they don’t feel live up to some moral standard. They tax the shit out of our cigarettes, they tax our alcohol and now they want to tax the strip club? These politicians were elected to do what’s in our best interest; I mean that was my understanding. Not to play King Solomon and decide what’s ethical and moral and what we as a people should be allowed to do.

We spend decades ignoring our parent’s advice on many of the same issues, and now these tools are going to play the part of my father. Tell you what, if I want his advice I’ll call him. Honestly I’m glad they haven’t legalized marijuana because if they did can you imagine the amount of tax they would place on it. In fact, it’s surprising it hasn’t even been proposed. Give them a couple years.

I know you’re probably thinking it’s only five dollars, it’s not a big deal but I have sobering news for you my friend. They’re now taxing our lifestyles. They could be proposing a $0.50 tax and I’d still be equally upset. They’re not calling something a luxury and throwing a couple bucks on to the end of it for themselves. This yahoo is trying to charge us money to be somewhere. To take up space in a particular establishment that he feels falls outside of the jurisdiction of public decency. Now do I think it’s going to pass? Probably not, I just don’t think he’s going to be able to gather enough momentum to make it law. But he already has seventeen signatures and counting him that makes eighteen too many.

Adding insult to injury, the tax is supposed to benefit the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape. I’m not advocating rape, however connecting the proposed tax and this noble cause, which while I don’t know exactly what it does seems to involve advocating not raping someone, seems to imply there’s a correlation between exotic dancers and rape and that my friends is simply unconscionable. I understand we’re talking about Pennsylvania, not exactly a beacon of fun and relaxation but this is taking the whole puritanical shit a step too far.

Seriously if they ban smoking in public places (i.e. bars, restaurants, STRIP CLUBS etc.) I’m going to run for governor on the “everybody else is a douche bag” ticket. Campaign donations can be sent to the POPPORN.com office. That or move to Jersey and tax people to leave the motherfucker.

I have a dream, and it’s of me, an adult, being allowed to make my own decisions. If we can vote for these assholes, pay them well to tell us what to do, and die in the wars they stir up on our behalf we sure as shit should be able to tell our significant others we’re staying late at the office so we can go to the strip club, throw a couple back and watch beautiful women take off their clothes for a couple hours before returning to our miserable wives, I mean lives.