Hugh’s got some new bunnies. TWIN bunnies. YOUNG TWIN BUNNIES.

19-year-old Kristina and Karissa Shannon are replacing the older, worn-out vaginas of Holly, Kendra, and Bridget. Effective immediately.

...And 84-year-old Hef is excited to be, “dancing as fast as I can.” How does he do it? Easy, a lot of money. It's not like any of these girls actually bang him, I mean, c'mon!

But what happened to those girls next door, you ask?

• Holly peaced out because of Hugh’s too-low-to-spawn sperm count.

• Kendra and Hef are still sackin’ up but only while Kendra’s in the Mansion. She’s moving out in December, probably. Awwwwwkwarrrrrd.

• And Bridget? No word. Who really cares about Bridget anyway though, right? (As my Grandpa says, “Rode hard and put away wet.” Thanks, Pops.)

Personally, I’m wondering which studio will sign the Shannon Sisters first. And, most importantly, do they do anal?



PLAYBOY: ALL NITE PARTY GIRLS

THE GIRLS NEXT DOOR: SEASON THREE (At least they are fully naked on the DVD!)