Listen. In case you haven't guessed by our endless Avengers references, Twin Peaks homages or stories about fictional characters we'd like to groove our wangs into...most of the POPPORN staff are fucking nerds. I mean, we're still way cooler than you (obviously), but we'll admit it...we're geeks. We just as soon whack off to the Borg Queen as Lexi Belle, and we're comfortable with that.

No offense, Lexi.

So when we tell you that we'd do just about anything to convince Stoya or somebody to buy this Star Trek corset we found on Etsy, we hope you'll understand where we're coming from. This looks like the sort of thing Wesley Crusher's hot MILF mom probably wore back when she was a slutty space-teen or something, doesn't it? It gets every nerd-fiber of our nerd-balls screaming "excelsior", and it gave me, like, ten masturbation fantasies right off the bat (16 more after thinking about it).

We're just saying...Stoya, you have billions of dollars, and having just won some big time awards (like the POPPORN.com Premium Fuck Maker Award), you could probably convince your big-time porno studio to do a Trek spoof, couldn't you? Spoofs are all the rage these days, and you'd need somebody like Digital Playground to bankroll a space-age fuck epic like this one. It's a guaranteed money-maker for you, and it's a dream-come-true-like-fuck for us.

We think it oughta be a trilogy. The first part would be the original series. Part two would be The Next Generation. Part three would start as the next generation, but end up being some sort of X-Men spoof (why not?), and maybe also involving Malcolm McDowell's character from Generations. the story lines would all involve Romulans or Borgs or tribbles or some shit gang-banging girls. And maybe one of them would have Data, Sherlock Holmes and Pirates' Stagnetti solving a mystery aboard the holodeck.

Please make it happen. Chuck Dera would make a great Spock. It's the part he was born to play!

If nothing else, just drop 200 bucks on this corset and pose for some POPPORN shots.

The woman selling this stuff also has an "Alice in Wonderland"-themed thing, which is pretty hot, too. Just saying.

Make it so!

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