Ever wanted to hang out at the Playboy mansion, just like James Caan and other major Hollywood players? Well, fuck, dude, you probably can't, 'cause that shit's pretty exclusive (not really), but if you've got a spare 28 million bucks laying around (and who doesn't?), you could live right next fucking door! Hef's selling the guest house!

Maybe it's related to the ongoing financial crisis and credit crunch and all that stuff - hey, don't you think it would be a good idea for Nestle to re-name their crunch bar "Nestle's Credit Crunch"? We think it's brilliant, because it's so now, you know? Sorry, bit of a tangent there - anyway, Hef's bleeding money like a stuck pig (go ahead, click, we dare you), apparently. A pig that has money running through it's veins, that is. So he's decided that enough is enough, and it's time to sell the family home. Not the mansion, of course. We're talking about the house next to the mansion, where Hef's wife and children have been living.

Whoa, wait...he's married? Shit. Didn't even realize. I guess, what with all the multiple public girlfriends and stuff, I just figured that bathrobed old codger was single. It's probably public knowledge that he tied the knot a while ago, but since Playboy's more boring than a donut made out of glazed shit, we weren't paying attention. Though we did enjoy the episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm that Hef appeared on. Who wouldn't?

Anyway, it's a two-story, 7,300-square-foot English Manor-style home that was built 80 yeas ago (two years after Hef himself was built by his parent's collective genitalia), that boasts a newly remodeled kitchen with a morning room and butler’s pantry, two staff rooms, formal living and dining rooms, a library and family room, as well as like, a hundred bathrooms and two thousand bedrooms or something.

If any of our glorious readers happen to have an extra 30 million, we wouldn't mind it if you purchased it for us. We could totally use a place to groove out and get high when we're in LA. We'd add it to our wishlist, but Amazon doesn't have it listed for some reason.

And regarding the 30 million I just mentioned, I know it only costs 28 million, but we'd need another 2 million to buy loads and loads of that killer Humboldt-county grass that everybody's been talking about. Can't really party without that, now can you?

PLAYBOY'S FRESH FACES 2

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