So let me tell you about this fucking shit. Now it occurs to me since I don’t typically watch this garbage I may be a bit behind and some people may already be well aware of this insanity. Well I wasn’t so if you already know about it good for you. I’m not talking to you. If you don’t, well, sit back and get a load of this.

Last night I’m sitting at home waiting for Robocop to start and I had about an hour to kill so I figured I’d see what was on regular cable. Big fucking mistake. I’m checking the channels between ESPN and the History Channel and what do you think I see? “True Life: I’m Addicted to Porn” on mother fucking MTV. Now I hate MTV, they’re a shit channel and they haven’t done anything positive for the state of music in like ten years. So typically I disregard whatever swill they’re broadcasting but this proved to be too intriguing.

So the show revolves around three individuals who are supposedly addicted to watching, or performing, in pornography. Yeah, performing…just got more interesting didn’t it? Its two guys who are addicted to watching porn and one girl who is struggling, for lack of a better word, to cope with being a porn star. Well obviously the two guys are douche bags. The one reminds me of my one friend who only recently started leaving the house and will probably return to his spot on the couch permanently once this Avatar movie comes out. Dude on the show lives in his grandmother’s house, can’t find work and just watches porn for like ten hours a day. Has a job interview, misses it because he was in a porn store. He even says that watching porn takes the place of a relationship which in all honesty is probably a good thing cause this guy has zero chance of getting laid any time soon anyway. He was by far the least interesting.

Now this other guy has four kids and a wife who kicked him out because of his addiction to pornography. He says it’s compulsive, that he can’t help it and that he feels guilty for watching porn and jerking off. His wife says if he doesn’t get his shit together they’re getting a divorce. And I’m sitting here like what the fuck is this shit. So the fuck what if the guy wants to jerk off in the privacy of his own home. But whatever cause I don’t get these people anyway. So the guy in his “struggle” gets these two cum dumpsters from the XXXChurch (don’t worry they have a website), which is some anti-porn/neo-Nazi church group to come over and set up a filter with a password he doesn’t know. Which doesn’t work anyway because, obviously, when it comes time to do the deed he just overrides the damn filter and jacks it anyway. So he goes and fesses up to the old wife and says he wants to go to a treatment center and that he needs to understand why he has this compulsion. It’s real tense and dramatic and she says it’s their last chance and all this other shit and I mean I have to admit I kind of felt for the guy because he was a complete tool and probably wouldn’t get another chick, at least not without paying her. I won’t tell you how it ends in case you’re interested but suffice to say it’s a load of shit either way.

This third person is a porn star, and we’ll call her by her real name which is Michelle since I don’t know what kind of corporate toes I might step on by revealing her porn name, who says she loves her job. She fucks guys for a living and loves it. As far as I’m concerned that’s mission accomplished. Do you have any idea how many people hate their fucking jobs? If you’re getting balled, making some good money and happy what the fuck is your problem? Well she feels guilty and wants approval from her folks. And she also keeps saying that being in porn she’s at a higher risk for an STD. A point her old man talks about later, when he says the only problem he has with what she does is that she could catch something for which there is no cure? Care to take a guess at which disease he may be referring to? Now I’m not a scholar or an authority on the issue but I’d think there’s probably less chance of getting the old HIV or whatever else when you’re in porn because people are so regularly tested. Either way, she whines about that for a while and then has this scene with Nick Manning which obviously you don’t get to see but if you’ve seen Nick’s work you can probably imagine how that went. Then it cuts to her at the AVN Awards where she’s up for Best New Starlet. See how I’m narrowing the field here? She really wants to win the award to validate herself and to prove to her close-minded parents that she’s a success because she knows that her parents really want to be able to say their daughter is a lawyer instead of a cocksucker, or as she puts it a whore. Whether or not she could actually be a lawyer I don’t know. I haven’t done the necessary research. Nor will I. Anyway she doesn’t win and she cries and it’s very sad.

Truthfully very little was said about addiction and the whole thing smelled like a pubic service announcement denouncing the evils of pornography. Trapping young men and women and ruining their lives. I have a problem with this on so many levels I can barely even speak about it. But I will.

First of all Michelle is confronted by members of the Pink Cross whose website is readily available. I’ll post some shit from the “What Is Pink Cross” section. My comments are in parenthesis:

Pink Cross Foundation, a humanitarian outreach and international movement will respond to needs of people who are victims of pornography (victims, mind you, victims). Our mission is to share the good news of Jesus Christ and to meet human needs in His name without discrimination. We also combat community deterioration due to pornography and prostitution (they go hand in hand I guess) through attempts to educate and influence legislation in order to enforce health and safety laws within the pornography industry, to protect adult industry workers from sexually transmitted diseases and other job-related abuses, to ameliorate the secondary negative effects of pornography on the general public and to toughen laws to protect children from accessing online pornography. This ministry is motivated by the amazing love of God.

A little bit about the founder:

Shelley Lubben, former porn actress and prostitute (because the two always go together right?) in the 90’s, experienced major abuse in the porn industry and was later diagnosed with Bipolar disorder (from being in porn?), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Depressive Disorder, Impulse Control Disorder and substance abuse due to years of trauma from the sex industry. She was prescribed anti-depressants, Lithium, sleeping pills and recommended psychiatric counseling for many years (all because of porn).

Now I’d never heard of these people. Again, maybe you have. I couldn’t be less interested. They confront Michelle and try to “help” her and while she rebuffs them and asks them to leave the entire sequence is absolute insanity. It’s also ridiculous that Michele, in an attempt to enter a more respected profession, auditions for a movie with Adam Rifkin who I recently interviewed for POPPORN.COM (it should be coming out shortly} where Adam, who worked with Ron Jeremy in his last film, states that he hopes to work with more female porn stars in the future. So maybe Michelle isn’t getting the type of “serious” attention that she’s looking for.

So admittedly I felt kind of bad for her. You know she may be successful but she’s struggling with it. Obviously, she’s not the brightest girl but she’s got great tits and I’m sure a good future ahead of her. I can empathize. Until this happened. In the car on the way home from the AVN’s Michelle is bitching about the fact that she didn’t win and that she lost to “some contract girl”. Yeah do you know who that “contract girl” is? Motherfucking Stoya. And everybody knows YOU DON”T TALK SHIT ON STOYA CAUSE THAT DOES NOT FUCKING FLY. Now it’s on. Now it’s war. To wish her bodily harm would be going too far, but not by much.

Anyway, once again MTV outs themselves as the bullshit artists they are. They make a mockery of addiction supplying no information on something that affects a large percentage of Americans (addiction in general, not just porn) and don’t even attempt to conceal their moral agenda. They’ve done a disservice to those youths who choose to watch the network by portraying themselves as the voice of youth culture when in reality they are nothing more than a corporate mouthpiece disseminating their bullshit propaganda as though it were the truth. Whatever credentials they possessed when I was younger, when they actually played music videos, they’ve since pissed away and are seemingly no longer concerned with being taken as a serious cultural influence. I would say they should be ashamed of themselves but that would assume they have ethics at all.

And hey, listen, if you’re a fan of MTV and liked the show. Well then that’s ok too. After all, far be it for me to tell anyone how to think. Although if that is the case, you may have to deal with the fact that you’re a complete fucking idiot but hey we all have our cross to bear.

Nah, you know I’m just kidding…sort of.

P.S. - The porn star? It was Jayden James.