Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody

By: Peter Warren - AVN
In-House Review - Feb 16 2012

Axel Braun is not the first pornographer to convert the Star Wars franchise over to the Dark Side, so to speak-Euro-director Kovi did it in 2006 and 2007 with the Porn Wars trilogy for Private Media, Jonathan Morgan sort of did it in 2003 with the Wicked Pictures meta-spoof Space Nuts, Bob Vosse did it all the way back in 1985 with Sex Wars for the long-since defunct Excalibur Films, and so on.

Axel Braun is the first pornographer, however, to do it this straightforwardly and on this staggering a scale. And with the first of the Star Wars 3D re-releases having just hit theaters, never has a porn title, parody or otherwise, been better poised to see history-making profits.


Much like The Phantom Menace upon its 1999 premiere, Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody is a predestined blockbuster; with Braun's formidable track record and the built-in Star Wars fan base, chances are Vivid won't know what hit 'em when the units start flying. But unlike Phantom Menace, this is an entry in the Star Wars canon (highly unsanctioned though it may be) that fans are almost certain to embrace.


It's almost more fun from the SW supergeek perspective than it was with the prequels laughing along with the in-jokes in this skewering of the true first episode, as filtered through the prism of having not only all six installments to reference, but George Lucas' much-maligned Special Editions of the original trilogy, as well.


Sure to elicit the most delight will be Han Solo's (Rocco Reed) gleeful gunning down of Greedo at the Mos Eisley Cantina with no provoking shot from the latter ... and the priceless callback to it that he utters much later in the movie (but which we won't spoil). For those as versed in porn figures as they are in SW bounty hunters, meanwhile, a major double-hoot should be had at drag queen extraordinaire Chi Chi LaRue's screamingly fey voicing of C-3PO (actually a might bit funnier, we dare say, than Joan Rivers' rendition on the character in Mel Brooks' Spaceballs).


Now, anyone who's ever been grossed out in hindsight by the big smooch Leia gives Luke in A New Hope (whose renaming here is way too hysterical for us to give away) be forewarned: The high-jinks go way, way further in this version. For one, in an effort to earn her freedom, Leia (Allie Haze) blows daddy-o Darth Vader (Lexington Steele-speaking of which, at what point exactly did Anakin turn bla ... never mind). For two, Luke (Seth Gamble) joins Han in double-teaming Sis as celebration of blowing up the Death Star.


Between the familial bonks, there's some inter-species shagging indulged in by Chewbacca (Dick Chibbles) and two space babes (Brandy Aniston and Eve Laurence); an anal throttling given by Obi-Wan Kenobi (Tom Byron) to an unexpectedly hot Sand Lady (Jennifer White); some lesbian love between two exotic Mos Eisley go-go girls (Aiden Ashley and Kimberly Kane); and a scalding four-way among more scum and villainy hive-dwellers (Gia DiMarco, Rihanna Rimes, Danny Wylde and Derrick Pierce).


As per usual for an Axel Braun project, the casting here is uncanny-Gamble, one of the most adaptable actors in the biz right now, is so reminiscent of the young Mark Hamill, it's a little eerie. Haze is flat-out hotter than Carrie Fisher ever was, but still does a bang-up job emulating her. Byron is the perfect stand-in for wised elder Alec Guinness, and brilliant as always. On the non-sex side, frequent Braun collaborator Bryn Pryor (aka Eli Cross) is hilarious as persnickety Vader underling Grand Moff Tarkin.


And the effects! Yes, we've seen a lot of highly impressive effects in adult productions over the last several years, but this undeniably and unequivocally sets a new bar. The lightsabers, the battle ships, the droids, the Death Star ... if you didn't know any better, you'd think someone from Lucasfilm actually had a hand in crafting this.


We can't imagine there's a Star Wars fan out there who won't at least be curious to give this a watch. And when they do, our money says they'll come away with big, ebullient grins across their mugs.