Here's the long and short of it...Ryan Keely got new knockers.

We've written stories before about adult performers getting boob jobs, but rarely have we posted about someone so near and dear to our heart. You see, we've known Ryan Keely for a good stretch now. And while our friendship is only vodka deep, we feel like we know her like a sister. A really hot, sexually adventurous sister.

We're always dipped in honey when we hear about tales of charity. Perhaps it's because the last charity work we did was fan the flames of this sweet beef to our loyal readers and twitter followers. However, you can be sure that if we had the financial prospects to do so (and the kind nature necessary) we'd be donating money to charities like crazy! Need some bucks? Wham! Need a donation? WHOMP! It'd be free money season.

As we mentioned last week. It's hard not to love Ryan Keely. So, while we were staring at one of her numerous twitter ass pictures, MEAT BALL chimed in and mentioned, "Hey, I think we have a tape lying around here somewhere that we shot last year featuring Ryan Keely and her amazing ass that we meant to edit and publish but forgot about thus making it an old tape but still worth putting up on the site."

I'm going to go ahead and go on the record as being an ass man. I didn't think I'd ever find myself admitting that since I've always believed that women are beautiful for varying reasons and declaring one particular feature as more important than any other would be a ridiculous attempt at best. Besides, I'm a modern kind of guy and I naturally assumed defining oneself a, "____man" or "____man" would immediately toss me into the cesspool that is a Mudvayne concert. Sure, as men we can politely and respectfully admire the female form from a distance, attempting to not be creepy or generally intimidating but never in replace of acknowledging a woman as a person.

But then Ryan Keely's ass started appearing all over twitter and I immediately felt my political correctness fly right out the window.

Ahh, Ryan Keely. What world do you live in where you wake up one morning, decide to make a cup of coffee and discover a series of photos displaying your beautiful figure (nude mind you) and think to yourself, "Hm, I forgot all about these nudes. Perhaps I shall give them to someone to enjoy!"

That world, which we choose to call, "Awesomedome" is indeed...fucking awesome. Feast folks, feast!

Remember earlier this week when we told you all about Ellen Stagg and her wonderfully erotic photography? Welp, as promised, there's a second part to her outtakes collection that she sent our way. Needless to say, these photographs capture some of our very fav performers in incredibly sultry, sexual and salacious poses and we couldn't be happier to bring them to you.

There are few things that we love more in this world than our good friend, Ryan Keely. From almost day one of this retarded blog, she's been right there encouraging us, supporting us and sometimes, lending us large sums of money. She's a porn star by trade but honestly, she's so much more. She's an engaging part time show host, when there's a show to be hosted. A talented production assistant and camerabizzo. She's an avid comic book reader (although she don't groove on superheros) and she's one hell of a sexy pole dancer.

It's new release Wednesday!

I'm sorry, you're not sure what that means? Well, much like the music industry with new albums (or should I say, new digital downloads) being released every Tuesday, in the comic book world new issues are released every Wednesday. Don't ask me why Wednesday, I'm sure there is some super stoic reason for it, I just don't care to look it up.

You know what is one heck of a surprise? Finding a homeless woman shitting against a wall across from your house. You never expect something like that, but when you see it, well, you're sort of dumbstruck. Sure, you might stare for a second or two causing that bat shit crazy lady to holler, "MAN, THERE'S TOO MANY PEOPLE, CAN'T SHIT PRIVATE NO PLACE!" to which, you might respond, "WOAH THERE, POOPY!" causing somewhat of a de-panted ruckus but you'd never deny that it wasn't a surprise.

So...you guys know about how Ryan Keely's all hooked on comics and shit, right? It's fuckin' awesome. She's constantly tweeting about her reading habits, and it's just about always something bitchin' like Preacher, Transmetropolitan and other great comics from the past decade that haven't yet been topped (and perhaps never will). If that weren't enough, she's throwing an extra treat at the nerd/porno-loving crowd later this week - a pirate themed birthday booze-a-thon that just so happens to coincide with the San Diego Comic Con (which, to those of you who aren't in the know, is the comic-con to end all comic-cons. Not like the shitty, yet still awesome, one we have here in Philly).

Hey fuckaz, it's BUCKTON here and I just got back from making the 2nd best movie ever ( this is the best movie ever.) I know a lot of fucks out there have been talking a lot of poo and spreding filthy lies about the way I "behaved" while we were out there making our first fuck flick and frankly, I couldn't give two fucks. Sure, I could fan the flames by pointing out what dickfuckers the naysayers are but I'd rather rub these photos in their faces of me getting it on with the lovely Miss Ryan Keely.

Now I don't know how many of you shits have ever been on a porn set but it's not all it's cracked up to be. I mean, these fuckers spend more time on their cell phones and talking about shit that I don't know what they're talking when what they should really be focusing on is ME! Luckily, Ryan understands that I need attention in order to make my art all that it needs to be. Some call it a muse... other's call it dry humping.

My favorite pillow-fight partner (and sometimes POPPORN.com contributor) Ryan Keely was in Miami all last week feature dancing at Tootsie's Cabaret. I was lucky enough to get a chance to get down and see her for her final night on Saturday and honestly, because of it, you're lucky too.

Ryan Keely works hard. She's often slaving away over her member site, blogging or stripping...sometimes she's in Seattle for weird, "arty" reasons but she never rests, woah no, she never rests.

Who doesn't love her? I mean, she's renaissance woman for god's sake. She loves sex, pornography, stripping, picking up young boys AND girls to test their moral righteousness, she runs an awesome website, chats on a fun blog, enjoys electronics and theater and is pretty much smarter than any of us, which, while not hard stills means we have to love her.

I will not put this thing up my ass, not because I am opposed to things in my ass, but because I am opposed to things with bad design in my ass. The shape of this toy is completely unsuited for the physics of anal sex. There is no reverse taper to prevent premature ejection of this poorly made purple, mystery jelly anal ‘probe’.