Alright, even though you should totally go watch this review and enjoy the fuck out of it, I'll tell you right now, Pornstar Tweet fuckin' suuuuuuuuucks. It's just about the lowest-possible quality porn that you can get, and that's really saying something. It's the kind of movie that makes you feel like an asshole for watching it, and that goes double if you're already an asshole, like we are!

But shit, BUCKTON and Morgan reviewed it anyway. And brought Morgan's dog along.

You may not believe this, coming from a respectable and responsible crew like us, but...uh...we lost one of our videos. A while ago. It was pretty embarrassing. But hey, don't worry - we found them shits! Sure, it took six months to find the fuckin' tape, but as a result, you fuckers are getting treated to POPPORN's first bonafide LOST EPISODE! It's gonna be awesome!

Shit, it's been a while since we had a new this week vid, huh? Last week was bone-fuckin-dry as far as moving pictures were concerned, and the week before that was all full of Tom Byron videos (which are fuckin' awesome, naturally, but lack the Bucktonian charm that our homegrown videos have). That means we're going on week three of BUCKTON withdrawal...damn...you fuckers must be getting antsy, huh?

Well, damn it, our homegrown, well-bearded videos are fucking back with a vengeance, starting today, as BUCKTON and Morgan groove your as through Red Light's new film, Celebrity Pornhab with Dr. Screw, which, honestly, has got to be the least clever spoof title I have ever heard in my life. Honestly. You can do better than that, can't you, Red Light?

Back in 2006 I met Joanna Angel at the Backseat Film Festival, and that’s where she talked me into making the fuck on camera for her. I’ve become really involved with the festival since then, and since it’s fast approaching for another year I figured I should think of some creative way to get all you Philly folks to come out!

I suck at writing. Like really suck! I am good at taking my clothes off! So me and my girl Ally utilized this year’s casino theme, and took some slutty pictures for you! (Followed by some information about the Backseat Film Festival that a much better writer wrote!)

Have you ever heard the story of the time BUCKTON jizzed into his own eyes? Shit, who hasn't, right?

But fuck it, it's one of those stories that should be told over and over again, and perhaps handed down from generation to generation, like the story of Jeebus or Splinter of the Mind's Eye or something like that.

Listen. That Brady Bunch show was a pile of shit. You know it and we know it. It's fucking unwatchable. Same deal with the Shelley Long remake. It's unfunny and lame, even for the shit standards of its heyday. Lucky for us all, Hustler and X-Play grooved the idea into their brains to update this crapfest with something worth watching. Namely, red-hot fuckin'. It was a brilliant idea, and it served them real fuckin' well over the past year. So well, in fact, that they thought it was worth sequel-izing with the new Not the Bradys XXX: Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

Hey, a new video! How's bout's it?

We know it's been a while since we had a "new this week" video, and we know it's been rough on you guys. We've heard your concerns, and we've certainly heard your complaints. So get off our backs, for Christ's sake, because we've got a new one to throw at you. And Morgan goes all zoobs-out for it, which is always cool.

Okay, everybody knows that roller derby's fuckin' stupid right? Well, somebody forgot to tell Zero Tolerance, because they went and partnered up with Adam & Eve Pictures to make their very first feature, and what did they base the story on? That's right, fucking roller derby!

But you know what? Thank the Shrike that they did, because goddamn it if Roller Dollz isn't fucking awesome.

We're about to whack you over the fuckin' noggin with a whole god damn fuckin' lot of NEW.

First of all, we've got a NEW review of Digital Playground's NEW movie, Control 9, starring their NEW contract girl, Gabriella Fox (which should be a major selling point, considering some of their other contract girls). And if that weren't enough, said review is being spearheaded by our NEW zoobatronic ladyfriend, Morgan (who's got some NEW commentary regarding Tommy Gunn's nutsack)!