TMZ reported today that ex-porn star Sasha Grey spent a good part of her day yesterday reading books to small, partially developed humans. You might call these organisms, "children".

Oh for fuck's sake. Maybe I'm in a nasty mood (or maybe I actually am a lot smarter than most people in the world) but the fact that Sasha Grey appears in the new Eminem video does not a cross-over star nor actress make.

To say that Sasha Grey is a bit of an enigma would be an understatement.

Well, Sasha Grey has retired from porn and become an Indigo Girl. Not really, I just thought it would be funny to photoshop her head onto that shot of the Stag rockin' out. But she has retired from porn. Officially, I mean.

Before we begin, I've been hearing the word "juggalo" more and more often these days, and I still don't know what a juggalo is. Can somebody explain it to me? Does it have something to do with gigalos? Like, is a juggalo a gigalo who has big juggs? Is it somehow related to the buffalo? Please, somebody explain this. And while we're at it, I don't know what a kraken is either (aside from the one we all know and love from Secret Warriors).

Anyway, regarding juggs.

If you've read POPPORN at all in the past, you're probably aware of what some people would call our more nerd-ish tendencies. We wouldn't use that word. We'd say that they're our more awesomely outrageous tendencies, or maybe even our most infections of grooves, but that's beside the point. The tendencies I'm referring to are our natural leanings towards comic books, star wars movies and shit like that. You know, stuff that many people consider to be for nerds (even though they'd totally see how wrong they were if they'd go pick up the last four or five issues of Matt Fraction's X-Men run).

Sasha's at it again!

Okay...I know it's supposed to be abortion week around here, so I did a cursory google search to see if I could find any abortion-type news worth reporting. Sadly, my rule is usually that if I can't come up with three jokes within five seconds of reading an article, I can't turn it around for POPPORN. That's just my method. That said, I came across this one, which didn't quite make me laugh, but certainly provoked a response. Please, I insist. Read and discuss. And log in and leave the dipshit a ton of comments.

I can't deny it - I'm been in a rut. My mind is too occupied by too many things, and this has caused somewhat of a mental constipation with the creative juice flowing and such. Maybe something is in the air here in Porn Valley - aside from but not excluding the Swine Flu - because I know I'm not alone in this. My dear friend Joanna Angel has likewise been struggling to squeeze out the script for her next big porn spoof epic, L.A. Pink. Oh, the agony we porn scribes endure for our art!

This past Saturday, while lying face down on my couch around 2PM in the afternoon I was startled by two, unrelated occurrences. The first was that my street (a relatively unassuming, South Philadelphia street with more characters than a David Lynch film) had been overrun by a pack of Lesbians. When I say pack, I don't mean the usual three or four that, in most instances of Lesbian sociability equates to a pack, I mean thirteen, tried and true tough-as-nails, butch lesbians playing corn-hole (well I'll be damned, there's a fucking Cornhole Association).

As most indie-film loving jackoffs and porno-loving jackoffers know, Sasha Grey is starring in Steven Soderbergh's new film, The Girlfriend Experience. She plays revolutionary figurehead Che Guevara, known mostly for lending his face to many T-shirt and dorm room flag designs. She - oh, shit...sorry, that's the wrong movie. The Girlfriend Experience is actually about the life of a high-class New York call girl, which makes a little bit more sense, because...come on...Sasha doesn't look anything like Che Guevara.

As reported by major news outlets all over the universe, this weekend Sasha Grey celebrated her 21st birthday at vainglorious Vegas nightclub Tao. And I was there. Without further ado, I give you my photo diary of the evening:

Man...Sasha Grey's a violent person.

Sure, we made a few threats during our recent review of Nurses. Sure, we told her were gonna hurt her. Sure, we may have stalked her at work and at home, and maybe even beaten up a friend of hers, just to send a message. But shit...that's no reason to get violent, is it Sasha? Can't you find it in your heart to let bygones by bygones and just make the wonderful fuck that you make so well week-in, week-out for the nether-regional-pleasure of your legions upon legions of fans?

Look...we know that POPPORN hasn't been up to snuff the past few days. We know that updates have been few and far between. We know that we haven't featured a single fuckin' zoob, and we're sorry. We really are. Most of our staff was across the country making the film that will redefine the porno industry. The rest of our staff was stuck in a snowstorm (thus we had to stay inside and beat off to internet porno instead of writing blogs about porno).

Um, who remembers the big porno thing that happened in Vegas a few weeks back? What was it called, ABM? ATM? Something like that?

Whatever it was, we're aware that most of you missed it. And we'll never forgive you, because POPPORN felt really fuckin' lonely while we were out there. But we managed to pull ourselves together and have one fucking hell of a great time anyway, thanks mostly to BUCKTON's extra-special co-host, the all lowercase porn sensation, jessica drake!