Great goblins, if you're looking for one goddamn impressive piece of hardware to stick your ween deep inside, look no further than the Fleshlight.

Soft? Yup. Tight? Yuh-huh. Realistic? You fuckin' bet your ass it is. If it had a little bit of pubis garninshing the hole, I would've thought it was the real thing. You know, if not for the fact that it comes inside a case that looks like one of those real-deal flashlights that cops use. I didn't even realize that I was attracted to lighting equipment until now, and the Fleshlight is far and away, the greatest motherfucking t thing I've ever stuck my wang inside. That includes cheap-o strokers, high-class synthetic vadges and even one or two real-life women. Granted, I've never been with a non-chancred woman, so I can't say for sure that this toy is better than the real thing, but goddamnit if it ain't close.

This little number does the job whether you've got the vibration on OR off. I was intimidated by it's size the first time I laid eyes on it, but soon learned that if i got it nice and lubed up and used it as a dildo, the Frostie Zig-Zag would make me cum in just a few short minutes. It's ridges hit all the right spots!

Ms. Santi has created her own version of a "Rabbit" style vibrator, in the likeness of her gigantic dragon tattoo. I must say, I think dragons are MUCH cooler than rabbits. They don't run away in the face of danger, they fly, they breathe fire and are generally all around awesome. So when Eragon, our toy guy, handed me Sophia's Dragon I was pretty fuckin' excited. And she did not let me down.

First things first - it's really fuckin' hard to fuck Joanna Angel's fake pussy while you're chilling in the room right next to your sick mom's bedroom. I know, I know – hanging around sick people is for losers but you guys should see the fuckin’ pills they're giving her! It’s a 24/7 party to the max!