Remember way the fuck back when we mentioned Axel Braun's Batman spoof? It was like, a year or two ago, I think. I'm not so good with remembering when certain stuff happened (either due to being dropped on my head during infancy or just from being a dumb-ass in general), but it seems like it was fuckin' forever ago. In fact, just last week, I was remarking to BUCKTON and Kellboy while we walked to our favorite latte shop that I wondered what was up with that shit, 'cause I got mad excited when they announced it, and then I never heard nothin' else about it. What gives? See, as I've often said, I'm sick to fuckin' death of all this spoof business in the porno industry. The joke's over. I fucking get it, okay? Time to move on. But this Batman XXX that Axel Braun was apparently planning? This was something I was actually fucking excited about.

But it seemed like it was never gonna fucking happen, you know?

You're probably looking at the name of this video and wishing you could come up with a product named "Pussy Balls", because you would no doubt become an instant millionaire if you were shilling a product like that in today's market. Well, I'm sorry to say that you are, in fact, fucked, because Randy Spears came up with the idea first. It happens. He's a better man than you.

Don't feel bad. He's better than us, too. Way better.

We fucked up. Yesterday, June 18th was Randy Spears' birthday, and we fucking missed it. We thought we'd try to make it up to porno's awesomest dude by posting a stellar review of his latest directorial effort on our avant-garde blog. But that all went to shit when, frankly, the movie was a little sub-par.

For this week's video, we're throwing two sides of the proverbial porno coin at you.

On one side, we've got the living porn legend, Wicked’s Randy Spears.. This dude's been boning in front of the camera for nearly a quarter century, and he's still outfucking most of the sorry excuses for studs in this industry. He's been named POPPORN.com's #1 dude in porn by our esteemed Spock Buckton, and with good cause. He's gonna lay down his hypothetical plans for a collaboration with Steven Spielberg, as well as his ideas on how to modify his cock for an infantry scenario (it'll make a little bit more sense when you watch it).

On the other side, we've got a few minutes of choice footage starring Adam & Eve Pictures contract star Bree Olson. This gorgeous young blond bombshell has been in the industry for less than two years, but as she says, she's done a lot of fucking in that short time, earning her an AVN Best New Starlet award for 2008. She's gonna fill you in on the nasty details of her very favorite scene, her first on-screen squirt experience and how she feels about hooking up with fans.