Oh man, did you dudes hear about this shit goin' down between X-Play's Jeff Mullen and L.A. Direct's Derek Hay? Fuckin' a, man. Dudes be in' beefin'. For real.

There's these extra-small condoms being made in Switzerland lately. They're expected to hit the shelves in the United Kingdom pretty soon as well. These jimmy-hats generally boast a diameter of about 45mm (in contrast to the usual 52mm size found in jimmy-hats). Why the tiny size? Is the condom industry finally catering to the market made up of poorly endowed men who want to get fucked without fear of disease (and who are sick of the embarrassment they suffer when their condom falls off of their ween in mid-fuck)? Well, maybe, but more specifically, they're catering to 12 year olds.

Who knew?

Now, these folks are my kinds of dickheads! A group of uppity students at the University of Texas San Antonio have begun a program called "smut for smut" which aims to trade religious material for pornography! Pretty cool, no?

Hey peoples! I just read this awesome article on the website I work for, AVN.com, about how pornography is all good for society and shit, and thought I’d share a few of my own thoughts about this topic, since I know you all love the pornos as much as I do, and will surely agree with me.

If there's one thing we hate around here it's awards. Maybe our bile spews forth because awards in general seem to reward the most obvious of contenders, leaving out a wide diversity of talent that exists in any given creative field. Perhaps it's because sometimes it appears as though the votes were "bought" for any given winner via ad revenue, kickbacks or any variety of scamola, thus nullifying the value of the award. Or, it could be the general lack of achievement that any award show seems to acknowledge.

It's been a while since I authored a comical (or not so comical, depending on your opinion of my inane banter) about prostitutes, so I guess it's time!

This one caught my eye for two reasons. First, it involves prostitutes, which are usually my only outlet for attempting intercourse with a member of the opposite sex . I say "attempting", because, to date, I have never successfully completed a sexual encounter. They often end in tears (mine), blood (mine) or significant financial losses (theirs). But regardless, I enjoy prostitutes, so any news piece about them is always worthwhile, if you ask me. Secondly, this piece involves cardiovascular health, another subject I'm forced to pay attention to, as I am more than likely to suffer heart attack before the age of thirty-five, due to my overwhelming and crippling inability to deal with stress of any kind, as well as my uncontrollable appetite for things that are horrible for me (blow, cheese and grease).

Nobody can deny that New Orleans has had a tough couple years. Clearly, we don't need to go into the hows and whys of it all, but some bad shit happened to that town, and I gotta say, it's nice to see things looking up a bit. Not only did the Saints score a major footballic win just a little while ago, but now some new statistical data's been released with even better news for New Orleans. Get this - the Big Easy is the largest dicked town in the whole US of A! Who knew?

Okay, we didn't piss and moan when we were totally robbed of all of the AVN awards that we should rightfully have won. We didn't throw any fuckin' fits when we didn't score a single Xbiz award for our bitch-ass awesome parody TMSleaze (at least not publicly). We didn't even hoot and holler when the original score BUCKTON and Stanko composed for the Meryl Streep vehicle Julie and Julia didn't get a single fuckin Oscar nod.

But when I saw that the Tranny Awards are set for March 4th of this year (mere weeks away), and we didn't score a single, solitary, lone fucking nomination....well, I've fucking had enough. I guess I just don't know what you have to do to win an award in this fucking business.

I've never been too big of a James Bond fan. I mean, I could never argue with the bonafide awesomeness of Goldfinger and I can't deny that I spent a good 50 hours per week playing the Goldeneye video game when I was 18-20, but aside from that, I just never really dug the mythos too much. If high-class spy shit was the name of the game, I'd rather just enjoy the adventures of Nick Fury and his cohorts in S.H.I.E.L.D. (or to a lesser extent, the less-funny-each-time-you-watch-it Austin Powers movies). So, given my rather tepid interest in the Bond franchise, it's no big surprise that I've never seen Octopussy, a film oft-classified among the worst the Bond franchise had to offer. That said, New Sensations' recent announcement of an Octopussy spoof actually has me a little bit excited.

Man, I love the media. I don't mean the "real", honest-to-goodness, fair and balanced media that millions of Americans go to every day for their news. Nor do I mean the "fake" entertainment-heavy, funnier-than-your-asshole, oft-slanderous blogosphere media like this site. I mean that great, in-between style of media where it's not quite journalism, but not quite sensationalism. You know, the kind of media that thinks it's real when it's actually not. Where else could you find "news" as awesomely ridiculous as this thinkpiece about crazy ways to upgrade your beave?

Whilst surfing the world-wide interweb, scoping the sites for any new nuggets of info I could find regarding the new Avengers teams that are set to debut after Siege, I happened to come across this little thinkpiece on Ranker.com regarding a couple somewhat death-defying sexual positions. As POPPORN is currently the nation's leading sex-education resource (form what I've been told), I felt that it was our responsibility to report on such findings, in case anyone out there wants to risk their lives performing these contortionistic fucks.

So, without, further ado, read on as I give you the five most dangerous sexual positions known to man.

Hey, get this!

You know how a lot of folks out there feel that watching porno, specifically hardcore porno, can have negative effects on both the viewer and the society of which he or she lives? I know nobody reading this site thinks that (except for those you reading this site by accident or out of spite or something), because you're all clearly lovers of the pornographic arts, but there are a good deal of people out there who feel that pornography isn't the slightest bit beneficial to humanity, and that it leads to a plethora of other problems in the world.

Our good friend Brian Street Team pointed out to us this morning that the wonderful folks at Cracked.com posted a rather thorough review of our Official Jersey Shore Parody today. As you know, ourmovie is being released next Tuesday, February 16th by Zero Tolerance so you will be able to see what all the fuss has been about. However, there are times where a review must be read so as to galvanize a generation towards a common purpose...a shared belief.

Funny thing about that Avatar movie that came out recently. While I thought it had a fairly cringe-worthy script and, for the most part, rather cringe-tastic acting (not to mention an unlikeable and boastful braggart as the hero), the thing was a god damn fucking joy to watch. The visual splendor of the thing was so god-fuckin-damn impressive that I threw all of my film-school-induced bitchiness out the window and enjoyed the fuck out of the movie. This was no doubt because of the whole 3-D & IMAX aspect of my moviewatchin' experience. The shit was just god-damn-mothershittin' impressive as uncle's day in a whorehouse, you know? Because 3-D is the wave of the future.

Welp, you probably have heard that the entire North Eastern region of the United States is starting to look a lot like the planet Hoth. Honestly, a lot more is being made of this than there probably should, it is after all, only snow. However, we'll take any chance we can get to take a day off so fuck it, we're packing up and heading home to re-watch last nights LOST episode (which sucked by the way) and smoke weed.

Until tomorrow, why don't ya get in on the heated Jersey Shore Parody debate happening over here. It's pretty hilarious.